In the Balance

Last night I had an interesting dream. My dreams tend to be out there, but this one was different. I sometimes wake up and start recounting my dreams to my husband. "That was very specific," he often says half asleep. I didn't this time. For a moment, I was flung into a panic attack then settled into a long period of reflection. I've been thinking a lot about humanity and how humans treat each other. It sometimes brings be joy and other times, throws me into a solid rage. Thank God for therapy. Here we go!

The dream was a dimension, showing basically the afterlife as one combined experience. There was no heaven or hell, but a careful separation and reflection on how we have lived our lives. On one hand, you get to experience all the good. On the other, all the bad as well. The dream placed me in a large field with all of humanity around me. We were all sitting 6 feet from one another in a grid. From moment to moment small groupings of people started forming around me, people I've connected with throughout my life. With each shift people came closer and closer eventually forming a tight circle in the front and back of me.

There were two sections of the circle. The circle in front of me would show me the negative, and the part behind me would outline the positive. The circle in front of me would be torturous in some ways, and behind me, blissful. As I sat there I was wondering why the torturous circle was in front of me? Had the balance over my lifetime shifted towards the bad? Why couldn't I experience bliss more? In the middle of my contemplation, a voice directed me to lean forward and touch the hands of the people in front of me. I did as I was told. As I touched the outreached hands, a bright red light burst forward and all I could see was suffering faces. People were screaming, babies crying, people yelling in anger at each other, people whispering lies, and so forth. I thankfully could remove my hand at anytime, but I couldn't turn around until instructed. For some reason Amy Schumer, the comedian, was with me making witty remarks on the whole process. This was comforting to me as she was remarking on eternal damnation being some kind of joke. Eventually I got to experience the good, with a soft light glow surrounding happy faces.

The dream then shifted to topless teenagers taking swim lessons. I was sure these kids were being exploited, so I spent the rest of the dream trying to find someone to help. Then it shifted to a courtroom where a group of men were determining how long I would spend in hell vs. heaven. Basically how long I would spend in each circle as described above. Yes, I know...

When I woke up I had tears in my eyes. I started to question the meaning of existence, my existence and the concept of judgment, right and wrong. My heart started racing and I couldn't rest. It felt like I was still floating around in the afterlife, avoiding the brief moments of hell. This lasted about a minute until I was able to breathe it out and start rationalizing. My husband had just fed our baby and decided I needed a snuggle, which was correct. I'm not a religious person, but I feel connected to things. I'm an empath and it's hard for me to separate myself from the emotions of others and often my dreams involve the experiences of the others. This concept of the afterlife not being separate, but a reflection of the good and bad we experience in life. An eternity of interacting with every human we have come in contact with. What a notion, to be bound to every action, both good and bad, as we are fallible and imperfect. The balance is tilted towards one or the other depending on what we need to see the most.

We are in a global crisis and in a crisis our true natures appear. Some retreat and others jump in. Some may want to do more while others continue living their lives blissfully in their own bubble. Some people do good in their own small way and others go out of their way to make life difficult for everyone. Humans are complex. We often sit in judgment of others when we aren't any different. Some of us are just doing our best. The majority of us will never be known for what we do, but we do it anyway. Some of us need to document every moment of good we're doing because we want it to mean something. We might be all those things because humans are not just one thing. We are several things, thoughts, actions. We aren't just good and we aren't just bad. Life is so ridiculously complex, especially right now.

So this is what I took away from my dream. We're all in this together. We all impact each other in more ways than one. We have to take the bad with the good and vice versa. We are connected whether we want to be or not. It's so important to stay in the moment if possible and not be dragged into the mess. You have a choice whether to join in the negativity or not. Humor is very important. There is hope and love with you always, even if you can't see it. People have your back! It's going to be okay. Storms pass if we focus on what's possible. Be kind to each other, friends. We're going to get through this.

“Where there is love there is life.” - Mahatma Gandhi