Sexy While Pregnant

I want to start out by saying I’m no expert. I’m just someone who happens to be pregnant, who has been pregnant in the past, who has also had sex while pregnant. I am no expert, but I definitely have something to say on the topic. I may also have some helpful hints. With that said, here we go.

If you have ever been pregnant and have acted on your desire for sexual congress, you may or may not agree, that it can get a little tricky… in more ways than one. Sex is not just about the desire, but about several elements we don’t necessary think about. Sex is obviously a physical act, but so much of it is mental and emotional. We want to feel sexy, we want to be in the mood and open to all the wonders sex has to offer. Pregnancy can create a weird paradox around sex. Isn't that how I got here in the first place?

For many woman, having sex while pregnancy is a non-issue. Your sex drive can actually be heightened during pregnancy. There is more blood flow to your sexy parts, making those areas more “arousable”. An orgasm can actually be more intense and pleasurable while pregnant. In several pregnancy health journals and books, sex is encouraged during pregnancy. It lowers stress, relaxes the body, helps you bond with your partner. If you have a male partner, semen is actually helpful in opening the cervix before delivery (look it up). Sex, especially orgasms, are beneficial during pregnancy, so why is it so weird for me. I’ll tell you.

All of us have a certain persona that presents itself during the sex act. It’s a primal act so sometimes our instincts take over and our rational mind takes a break. For example, not using a condom when we should. We dress differently, we have an intention of feeling sexy and attractive. We may be more insecure about ourselves, so we turn off the lights. We might curse more, scratch more, pull hair, bite, use toys, enjoy violence, or refuse to have sex in a bedroom. There is a whole world of literature of human sexuality and how our nature changes; How our social personas somehow shift when we engage in sexual intercourse. So, when we are pregnant, this persona we’ve created during our sexy time shifts, because not only do we have human growing inside of us, but our bodies are different, our minds are more focused on safety and environment, our chemical and thus emotional balance has shifted. It can be different.

For me, I hate having sex while pregnant. I, luckily, have a partner who tells me I’m beautiful and wants to have sex with me, which means I don’t have to deal with that stress (but several women do ☹). I usually enjoy sex very much, but I feel my sexiness factor go WAY DOWN when I’m carrying a human being inside of me. I feel like a whale, so any sexual positions that I usually enjoy go out the window. I feel like I’m crushing my husband if I'm anywhere on top. My boobs are ginormous and flop around, which is super weird to me (as I normally have no boobs at all). I get sweaty and my hips feel like their going to break. Do I feel sexy, NOPE. Do I know that sex is good for me, I DO. But trying to step into the mental space that I normally do, is daunting for me.

I have discussed this topic with several women in my life and it runs the gamut, and I think we all have our own individual sexual identities and partners to contend with. For the most part, I think women make it work and if you’re in the same boat I’m in, I have some tips (thank you to my friends, family members, and experts on this topic).

SEX FURNITURE! I know, it sounds kind of weird, and if you haven’t experienced sex furniture, I suggest you try. Especially if you have a bad back or something. Sex furniture can make sex more ergonomic. Trying the “doggy style” position unsupported while pregnant is a no go, but for your male partner, it’s a little easier position and it can be more comfortable for you with the right support. You aren’t advised to lay on your back while pregnant, so supportive furniture can help support you upright or give support to other body parts so there is no further strain on muscles that are already under a lot of pressure. I would say a wedge support is the best piece to start out with if interested. It’s versatile, and can be stored easily. Check out Amazon, or if you want to be fancy, check out www.liberatorshop.com.

HELPFUL POSITIONS! You can go online and find an array of positions that are more comfortable, and help you navigate sex with a growing belly. Better more reasonable positions might make you feel less like you’re crushing your partner, as I feel, which can lower some anxiety about feeling huge. The book "What to Expect when You're Expecting", actually has some helpful advice in this arena.

MATERNITY LINGERIE! So, if you’re comfortable with your naked prego body, I salute you. I am not. I feel like an egg with legs. I don’t see a sexy person in the mirror and when I’m engaging in love time with my partner, I don’t necessarily want to be looking at my naked self. I have found a cute cover up can be helpful and also contain body parts that may tend to stray. Your attire might also give you a little bit more confidence in the sexy arena. I prefer a nice baby doll piece. It gives your body room, and your breasts are fancy.

And lastly, TALK TO YOUR PARTNER! It’s important to have communication about sex with your partner. Even if it’s hard. I thankfully have someone in my life who is open to work with my comfort level. If you feel your partner is not really engaging with you and you want to have sex, make sure you find a gentle way to approach the topic. If you don’t want to have sex and your partner does, make sure you discuss your feelings and potentially find a way to compromise. I feel oral sex and hand play to be very helpful when intercourse is off the table. Sometimes partners just need various amounts of intimacy, so it’s good to be open to alternatives and not cut them off completely. I tend to over share my thoughts and ask my husband a range of questions, so he pretty much knows all the weird things coursing through my mind. I guess I prefer that over him knowing nothing. You should never feel pressured into doing something you don't want to do. No matter if you are prego or not, sex is a relationship and it should never be about one individuals expectations. Sex is a conversation.

So, I guess I’m working at it and I just want other ladies to know they are not alone. I want to encourage women to love their pregnant (and non-pregnant) bodies. This is something I’m working on as well. Pregnancy is definitely a journey and we are reminded that we're capable of something pretty spectacular. It's always important to separate the woman from the mother. Take time to focus on what you enjoy and you need. As I’m writing this, I’m also reminding myself. Like anything else in life, this can be another obstacle to overcome or you may be finding that you love having sex while pregnant!! Take time to listen to yourself and know what works and what doesn't. I love you all and you’re awesome!!

Be well!

If you feel you are unsafe or in an abusive relationship, please get help! Neither you or your baby benefit from that kind of physical, mental, and/or emotional trauma. Contact a friend, local police, or call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).