The Pink Box

There is a shift in the world of women and men. Can you feel it? As a woman I am feeling it, hearing it, sharing it. Over the past 4 years something has triggered the female revolution. Maybe several somethings. Maybe the glass is just tipping over? The President of the United States is a proven misogynistic adulterer who beat out a women who was more qualified to be President than most men in history. Maybe that could be it? It could be other things, I'm sure. Our collective anger has pushed us into a place of impatience. The pretty pink box we've been living in has been cracked opened, the awakening has begun.

Women are angry. Women are tired of being shut down. Women are tired hearing, "is it that time of the month?" Yes, we're emotional but men are too. Why is it that women live longer than men? Oh, because we talk shit out. We express ourselves. Men have hormonal cycles too. They lose their shit too. Why are men and women viewed differently when in an anger state? I know the answer but I'm posing it to make a point. The patriarchy is alive and well, but it's breaking down and I'm happy to be a part of that.

Women have stopped apologizing. Women don't have to behave like nice little girls all the time. Boys get to be boys their whole life. They get to get away with "locker talk' well into their geriatric years. They get to be angry and pout while someone makes an excuse for them. They get to rape and assault others, while the victim must have done something wrong. Men continue to be allowed to be stupid and reckless while it's (usually) a woman left to pick up the pieces. Women are meant to always be the adult. They are always supposed to keep their shit together, while men pout in the corner. This is ridiculous.

Women are expected to settle. Women are expected to have children. Women are expected to be nice and kind. Women are expected to always have good manners and take the high road. Women are expected to never question things and just follow along, especially when a man is at the helm. What happens when we step out of line? We are old maids, we are selfish, we are bitches, we are rude and disruptive, we are difficult, we are bossy. When I'm writing this I think about the song "The Man" by Taylor Swift. It's brilliant! She demonstrates that men can pretty much be and do whatever and still be successful and congratulated. And I understand it's a major generalization, but at this point I don't feel like giving men a break because this isn't about them.

What happens when a woman chooses to step out of the norm? What happens when she doesn't partner? What happens when she chooses not to have children? What happens when a woman decides to live for herself? What happens when a woman puts her happiness and well being first?

Where do we place her value as a society? NOTHING WILL HAPPEN! SHE'LL BE FINE!

I didn't get married until I was over 30. I didn't have children until I was 34. Up until that point I was working and working hard. I wasn't sure that I wanted children and I really didn't want to date anymore. I was ready to be with myself and I was happy. I was lucky to find a partner that didn't need anything from me, other than an equal partnership. Before I did all the things women are expected to do, I could feel the pressure to do what the women before me did. The thing is, I was already doing what none of them had done. I established a career and had a life that was mine! I was happy and I didn't have a husband and children. I had traveled the world on my own. I had a life without all those things women are expected to have to make a life meaningful.

You know what that means? Women can be many things! Women can find happiness and meaning in all sorts of ways and should be encouraged to follow their own path without judgement. And yet, there is judgement from men and women alike.

So when I say times are shifting, I mean shifting like when you adjust your butt in a chair. You haven't gotten out of the chair, but it's uncomfortable and you need to adjust. There are conversations happening, powerful women coming forward and using their voices to push back. We are moving in a direction where self care is encouraged. Women are outside of the home more, they are choosing to not have children. Women are seeking out wholeness in a way men have for centuries. There is a balancing act in our culture where men don't always have the upper hand anymore. I would love to see, in my lifetime, when the words "old maid," "bitch," slut," aren't tolerated, when they are obsolete.

I watched this video and it speaks to the expectations of women to live a certain way. The meaning we place on women's lives who don't get married or have children. I love the way she expresses her thoughts and puts complex feelings into words. Tracee Ellis Ross is the best.

I understand that boys and boys who want to be girls and people who don't want to be either have their own pressures and issues. I don't pretend to understand the plight of others. I know my female experience. The fact I have a vagina and the ability to have children creates a different world for me. I am aware of my vulnerabilities and the tools men have to prey on them. I absolutely think that others can empathize with the female experience, but that's about it. There is a deeper awareness. My ears have opened up and I have a different lens. I hear what men say to me and to other women and it's shocking. I think I was ignoring it before or just complacent. The way men have been trained to talk to women is so odd to me, but I get it. We live in a society founded on biblical principals that have put women in a "less than" and obedient role.

We are not in biblical times anymore. Women don't need men to save them, we need an allied force. Women don't need men at all, other than to support them be who they want to be. Women don't need to be partnered to be someone. No one does. We are human beings that don't need to be siloed into different expectations. We need to move past our history and step into a space where we are beautiful and able just as we are. Men need to be educated and corrected without hesitation. It's okay to make people mad and uncomfortable, if it means creating a better life for yourself. In all humans I encourage educated conversation, patience, compassion, and living through light and love. But sometimes you just need to be the bear, and that's okay.

Life is too short to live in a pink box.